Page 38 - Harnett Life Fall 2018

Decisions: My Home or

the Assisted Living Facility

Sara is a 45-year old female with a husband and two adult
sons. She has been married since age 20 and recently
watched her youngest leave for college. Her world, both
personal and professional, has shown great progression
throughout her life. Sara thrives on inviting new and chal-
lenging experiences into her schedule. Yet, her most recent
transition was not in line with her expectations. Sara has
enjoyed taking care of others since she was a child. It start-
ed with her pet hamster and the times she spent the sum-
mers with her grandparents. Recently, Sara and her hus-
band moved her mother, Barbara, in with them. Reportedly,
Barbara’s primary care physician feels she needs to be in a
safe environment where caregiving supports are available.
Sara had difficulty pondering the thought of placing her
mother in an assisted living facility. After several weeks of I should be able to do this by myself or I should be able
struggling with decision-making, she felt the only option to balance my job, marriage, and caregiving responsibil-
was to welcome her mother into a loving and trustworthy ities). It is important to be aware of your limits because
environment – her home. overwhelm can contribute to mental, physical, and medical
difficulties. This can decrease your ability to benefit your-
Although Sara initially felt comfortable with her decision, self and others.
she is now experiencing levels of stress that are affecting
her marital relationship and work performance. She has 2. Be sure to ask for and accept help.
found herself being so irritable towards her husband that he
now goes to “hang out with the guys” more often. At work, The willingness to accept help allows you a period of re-
she has found herself on the verge of tears and retreating juvenation. This is certainly not a sign of helplessness or
to the bathroom to collect her thoughts. When her sons re- failure but reflects a person who is aware of one’s own
turn home to visit, she feels overwhelmed by doing their health-related needs. Keep in mind that others may not no-
laundry and preparing bigger meals. While she has taken tice when you are feeling overwhelmed, therefore it is very
time to express her feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty important to communicate your thoughts.
to her girlfriends, she feels they are only able to provide
cliché encouragement as they have never experienced her 3. Find a way to express your feelings.
circumstances.
It is important to discuss your experiences with someone
Sara is the picture of several adult caregivers today. Re- who has your best interests at hand. Use methods such as
sponding to the needs of an older adult family member may journaling to recognize your feelings and the way you ex-
be emotionally challenging in light of other daily responsi- press them. In addition, create an outlet such as a physical
bilities. While caring for a loved one, it is also important to activity or participation in a caregiver support group.
care for oneself. The following are three areas of consider-
ation for those fulfilling the caregiver role: Overall, as you transition into this period of life that in-
cludes caring for someone you love, be sure to take notice
1. Do not place unreasonable expectations on yourself. of your personal needs so you can be beneficial both to
yourself and others.
Living according to “shoulds” can cause undue stress (e.g.

Page 38 Harnett Life ~ Winter2018